Siberian Tales

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Jul. 22nd, 2004

07:51 am - Long Day

Hey, people, wats happening?

The last week and this one has been marked with my anxiety and continuous effort to control it.

I woke up this monday assured that would go back home and tried to do it, but was unable to do so due to unavailable seats and my type of tarrif.

Yesterday i went to Zurich to try to solve the problem. got there, went to Lufthansa's office, got lost a few times due to my misunderstanding of maps, but got there and found out that they had seats only for 22.8

Went, i mean, tried to go to STA's office, but despite the lady's tips was not able to find the place. Got back to the main train station went to Varig office, then to another STA office and back again to Lufthansa.It was 17:30 and i was walking for 4hours, had blisters on my feet and my knees were killing me.

I decided not to change the date and try to get a new ticket and go back ASAP.Hope i'll be able to do so.

The funny things is: the reason why i decided to stay here...well, will not happen. But i see this as a learning process, cuz i was doing all the decisions by myself, despite the fact that it involved somebody else and for that reason i can't blame anyone, but myself.I mean, i don't even blame myself, cuz i was doing out of...well, i really don't know out of what, but was following my instincts on this one.

But bottom line is: was really good, i could catch up with Thomas and Rapha, was a way of preparing myself to go back home, to learn what i want and how far i'm willing to go to the things i want and so on.

Chantal Kreviazuk - In this Life

Let me show you what I'm made of
Good intentions are not enough
To get me through today
And this life
You're in the basement
Watching the TV
I'm on the second floor
Watching the ceiling
We sleep underneath the same big sky at night
And dream the same dream we can fly

You can run from me
And you can hide from me
But I am right beside you
In this life

Let me tell you who you really are
You're my comfort
You're not a superstar
Life can reach up and bring you back down
Onto the ground
And give you everything you dream about

You can run from me
And you can hide from me
But I am right beside you
In this life

I'll give you all the things that I'd never get
Give you all I have and have no regrets
Take you to the places that I've never been
Forgive you all the things that you can't forget
Take away the pain with my healing hand
Wash away your sins and set your spirit free

You can run from me
And you can hide from me
But I am right beside you
In this life

You can run from me
And you can hide from me
I am right beside you
In this life

Let me show you what I'm made of

Current Mood: sick

Current Music: Chantal Kreviazuk - In this Life

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Jul. 16th, 2004

03:06 pm - Keep walking....

Those who walk…get there

Today is a Thursday and I got here last Friday, almost one week now. Besides the first 3 days, from Friday to Sunday, I spent every single day at home
At first I was just tired from the trip and clubbing, but on Monday the weather was not good and once again I had tv and after lunch spent a few minutes watching it and fell asleep. Got up and accompanied Rapha to buy pens and markers for him to study for exams and bought myself a notebook to write my dream’s plan.
Woke up Tuesday full of energy, but was so anxious because I was expecting an answer that I’ve been waiting for a few days. I got the email and felt nervous. I did what I needed to so I could plan better my next days and to have a clearer idea about what I was doing, waiting for.
At first my reaction was really bad and my day was gone, I didn’t want to do anything, but at the same time couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was possessed by this feeling, this idea, and this obsession. Went to sleep with those feelings inside.
I woke up with the same feeling and said that I was going to do all the things I had promised myself when I got here. 4 hours had gone by and I was in front of the pc since I got up.
I talked to my dad and sis the day before and began thinking on what they said to me. Maybe what I was expecting so eagerly was the trigger, the start of something and not the end itself.
I realized that I was relying my future on somebody else’s hand again, instead of me taking the steering wheel. I know what I want and was, still am, fighting to make it come true, but sometimes we need to know how far to go and when to stop. On this case a pit stop is not quitting, but a learning process to analyze things and then decide what to do.
On the rest of the day my mood was better and guided by this feeling of moving on, I decided to do my things and see how they turn out to be. I didn’t have control on the outcome anymore and understood that and the fact that I did my part and after that began doing the things I had planned weeks ago and went to sleep with the feeling that my day hasn’t been a waste of time again.
Got up today and that subject was not the main thing on my mind anymore. I still had the urge of doing things as I had planned them and began early, decided not to watch tv again, began reading my book about the history of cooking, washed my clothes and started to write down my dream’s plan.
After lunch there was still on thing to do: leave the flat for the 1st time this week. I got out and the weather was really better. I didn’t know where to go or what to do and just walked around the block. I hit the center of the city and after two blocks got to the church and a detour, decided to turn right and went up the road. I saw 2 hotels, a few bars…again had to choose where to go and right and up the road was the direction again.
After a few more choices got to a flat road and started walking on it, the sun shone brighter and I saw a big, green, open field that turned out to be a football field. There was nobody there, but the image of the sun on the green field was like a big green mirror. This minute I stopped walking and decided to come back home, I had found what I was looking for.
It’s amazing how beautiful life is and how its beauty is displayed anywhere, from small, almost unnoticed things to big, straight-to-your face things. More than that, the feeling of being alive and to be a part of this is amazing, priceless and a blessing.
It took me miles away from home and everything and everybody that I hold so dear to my heart to appreciate and value those things and experiences. When I got to the field could smell that pure air of open fields, touch fresh grass, listen to the birds singing and could look at all of these together.
At first I was sad about not having a camera with me, but then I thought: “is better this way and a photo wouldn’t be able to picture all this feelings that will remain eternal for as long as it lasts”. And this triggered me to keep walking and going places so I can have more moments like that when life’s puzzle is solved and every piece comes to its place and fits perfectly.

Current Mood: sleepy

Current Music: The Jayhawks - Tailspin

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Jul. 11th, 2004

01:25 pm - St Gallen

Hey everybody, how r u all?

1st of all, just wanna say something, i hate this keyboard!!!Lots of letters that i dont need and the ones i do need r on different places, damn!!!

Well,lets talk about important things then, i got here on friday, the train trip was really good and as always my mind wandered.I remembered about the days i spent in munique, the things i had seen and it got me back to the 1st time i was there with my other friends.Really good feeling.

I got in St Gallen and rapha was already waiting for me, we got home i met his girlfriend and roomate, really good people.We had brunch and after that i helped him getting a table for his balcony.

We got back and premiered the table drinking beer, talking and eating peanuts, this time i could talk a lot about my experience in Novo and as always the 1st question was: what the hell we went there for?Im used to this cuz even people there asked me that.

At night we went to a club and was good, cuy i hadnt been clubbing for awhile and we drank a lot, but i was really tired.

I woke up on 13 and wacthed Cold Mountain, which is really a predictable movie in my opinion.After that we cleaned the house cuz Hans was coming to meet us.We had dinner with him and his wife and then got back home, had a scoop of ice cream, delicious, and wacthed master and commander.

Now im here, woke up at 11 and have been surfing the net, got addicted to orku already and im listening to the new cds my sis sent me, really good tracks, like them a lot.

Well, im still trying to figure out what to do with my life from now on and the goal is to write the scratch,outline of my dreams, my life plan and start to filter or base my decisions on it, lets see.

Now i ll be able to read my book about gastronomy and history of cooking, b, u can laugh about it, but i ll have fun with it.

For now thats all.

Leo

PS:hate football, my team sucks now!!

Jayhawks - Save it for a rainy day

Pretty little hairdo don't do what it used to
Can't disguise the living
All the miles that you've been through

Looking like a train wreck
Wearing too much makeup
The burden that you carry
Is more than one soul could ever bear

Don't look so sad, Marina
There's another part to play
Don't look so sad, Marina
Save it for a rainy day
Save it for a rainy day
Save it for a rainy day

You neve make your mind up
Like driving with your eyes shut
Rough around the edges
Won't someone come and take you home

Waiting for a breakthrough
What will you set your mind to?
We stood outside the Chinese restaurant
in the rain

Don't look so sad, Marina
There's another part to play
Don't look so sad, Marina
Save it for a rainy day
Save it for a rainy day
Save it for a rainy day

Current Mood: hungry

Current Music: Jayhawks - Save it for a rainy day

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Jul. 8th, 2004

05:45 pm - Last 2 Days

Hi Everybody, how've u been?

Lately i've been watching movies again, so far I've watched The Terminal(really good), Hellboy(awful movie),Shrek 2 (extraordinary), Spider 2 (Way better than the 1st one and really cool movie),Butterfly Efect(I really wanted to wacth this one and is so damn good, made me think a lot about some changes i always wanted to had made in my life).

Besides that I've been round the city, yesterday i spent 5hours walking around and was really good to have this backpacking feeling of not belonging, of being just another person on the street, like u have no identity at all. At the same time was really good to remember about the places I've been to before, the time i had spent here during backpacking with my friends and especially the things i hadn't done that time and did it now.

Another weird sensation is being again on a place with lots of different people, white, asian, black, latins;listening to all this languages:english, potuguese, german, turkish, arabic, greek and russian, which is really good cuz make me feel connected to eveybody i met there.When i first haerd it was really good and i wanted to talk to them and felt bad about not learning the language, which is the only thing that i would make differently if i could turn back time, but cuz i don't i'll have to make it differently now.

Today after the movie i was thinking and notice how small things have such a big impact on us, for example, in Novo i had 4 keys with me on my pocket, really big ones, and here is only one to open the flat and the building.How come this impact me?Well, i check my pockets every 30min to seee if i lost it or not, i try to carry it on my bag sometimes and other things.More than this, it made me think how life is just a matter of point of view, of adaptation. I mean, if everybody could have the opportunity of leving the way other people do, would be easir for them to undertsand some (dis)similarities about them and maybe would be easier to get along with other people.

But yesterday i saw something that really bugged me.I was in the metro and a woman was sat down and another guy got in the train and sat next to her, he was indian;the 1st opportunity she had, she moved.I can't judge her or say that she acted on prejudice or something like it, but was strong image.

Anothe thing really strong here is how teens look the same all over, the tribes, the behaviour, the need to call other's attention and so on.

Well, that's all i did this past 2 days and tmw i'll move to St Gallen and meet another friend, hope to have tons of fun.

Beijos,
Leo

Current Mood: contemplative

Current Music: John Mayer - Wheel

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Jul. 6th, 2004

10:24 am - Another Tought crossed my mind

Hello, people, how've u been?

Tmw is my 1t week here in munique and 1st one away from Novo. Time is really going by fast!

So far i've done nothing but thinking. I'm still tryuing to understand this transition, everybody knows that changes r never an easy thing to do. And gets even harder when u start to compare things, but at the same time is something natural to humanbeings, i guess.

Now i'm living, talking to and going out with brazilians again, but besides my friend and his roomie, i'm having a hard time being around the other people, i don't know y.We have a brazilian saying:"my spirit doens't like his", something like it. That's how i feel.

I'm concern about running out of money and began thinking on ways to avoid this problem, cuz i don't know come back home b4 september, but at the same time don't wanna live on my dad's expense no more.It's time to control my life on the financial aspect as well.

Lots of ideas have crossed my mind, but haven't been able to make them come true, yet. So far i have only one thing in my mind:a meeting. Maybe this is a bad thing, cuz it prevents me to think about other things, but on the other hand is what keep me going, what make me fight so it'll happen, at least on what depends on me.

It's incredible how powerful our minds are and how it plays games with us.I've been insecure about this meeting since i got here and the fact that i don't have any information about it, only make me think about the worst that can happen.I'll try to own my mind once again and not let it control me.

That's all, tmw is Liza's Bh, congrats and happy birthday!!

Current Mood: thoughtful

Current Music: Ocean Color Scene - Hundred Mile High City

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Jul. 5th, 2004

Jul. 4th, 2004

06:57 pm - Go Portugal

I'm leaving to wacth the game, but wanna thank masha and sasha for the great cds they made for me.

I've been listening to them and one song got my attention and led me to good thoughts and memories and especially people

U2 - Wild Honey

In the days
When we were swinging from the trees
I was a monkey
Stealing honey from a swarm of bees
I could taste
I could taste you even then
And I would chase you down the wind

You could go there if you please
Wild honey
And if you go there, go with me
Wild honey

Did I know you?
Did I know you even then?
Before the clocks kept time
Before the world was made

From the cruel sun
You were shelter
You were my shelter and my shade

If you go there with me
Wild honey
You can do just what you please
Wild honey
Yeah, just blowing in the breeze
Wild honey
Wild, wild, wild

I'm still standing, I'm still standing
Where you left me
Are you still growing wild
With everything tame around you?

I send you flowers
Cut flowers for your hall
I know your garden's full
But is there sweetness at all?

oh oh oh

If you go there with me
Wild honey
Won't you take me, take me please
Wild honey
Yeah, swinging through the trees
Wild honey
Wild, wild, wild

Current Mood: flirty

Current Music: U2 - Wild Honey

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Jul. 3rd, 2004

Jul. 1st, 2004

11:50 am - Overview

End of 2002 lots of things in my mind. I had just graduated, spent time with family and friends celebrating this conquest, but as the New Year began was time to face life as it would be: a challenge. I didn’t have a job nor knew what I wanted to do. Time would be tough, especially because I hadn’t had much experience.

My option was to work at my father’s company till I found something “better”to work with. As I got there could work with somebody that was really experienced and that taught me a lot during this one year that I spent there. Yet, my first reaction was always of changing, moving from that place, to be able to do something on my own, without being under my dad’s safety net.

The 1st semester didn’t present me much options regarding traineeship programs, my original goal, but one: AIESEC. I hadn’t heard about it before till my friend Bruno got in and went to Armenia at the beginning of march/03. I applied for it and was getting approved after each stage of the selective process and that bust my confidence on other programs as well and for the 1st time I got to a panel stage and other final interviews, but my mind was set to AIESEC, to the possibility of leaving abroad, challenging myself, meeting people and most importantly, making a difference both to myself and others around me.

By the end of june I received the email telling that I had gotten it, I was selected as an SN. After the presentation about AIESEC I felt like that thing belonged to me, that I was cut out to make a difference and really wanted to make a part on it.

But things were tougher than I expected and months were passing by and I didn’t have anything. Got to some interviews, but screwed them up with anxiety and nervous. Now my confidence was not that high anymore and anxiety was taking place, didn’t know what would happen or where to go and do. At this period I began going to LC more often and got a great feeling, the same I had on my year at junior enterprise. I was able to help, to make things, to interact with others and see the results of it, as people developed themselves, doing new things and better.

At my private life things were changing as well, some decisions were made and I began to feel like I own my life and that I could go places and get what I wanted, but still haven’t had any results till I got an email telling about the traineeship in Siberia. My first reaction was: NO WAY! I asked a few weeks to decide and began talking to a lot of people that I respect and look up to, my role models and researched about the city and so on.

I decided to face the challenge and felt good about it. But 2 weeks before my departure I felt really scared and tried some ways to avoid the traineeship, the challenge, the change. I thought about staying in brazil for private reasons, but after a day of reflection and conversations with my dad and my boss, who’s my tutor, decided to face it all the way.

Two days before departure I visited some friends, spent time with people that I hadn’t seen fro ages and prepared myself to embrace this new life. I was scared, but excited at the same time and this excitement kept me going.

On my way to the airport cried a lot, again felt scared and had second thoughts about it, but to have some friends seeing me off and giving me words of trust and encouragement felt strong and decided not to look back and go for it.

After check in I was alone and my mind was looping, flashing back my last years, days and hours. The flight was really tiring and I got to rest a bit. When I got to Frankfurt was a bit lost, still too shy to do things and waiting and watching instead of asking and acting. Got to the plane to Moscow and rest a bit. When I got there everything was new, different and felt lost again. Again was being drown to things instead of controlling them, which resulted in a 50U$ expense to change airports, only cuz was too shy to ask how to do it differently.

The next 10hours I was alone at the airport, feeling like I didn’t belong, fighting to stay awake and to keep my place there. Was hungry, but still to shy or afraid to ask for help on money and how to eat.

Checked in to Novosibirsk and stood on a chair till boarding. I saw a guy and really wanted to ask if he was from aiesec as well, but didn’t.

Got out of the plane and saw lots of people waiting for me, which was really good and it comforted me. We got my bags and I went with Vlad and Pasha, my boss, to eat and then home. Everything was new and my mind wandered for awhile.

The first weeks were different them I expected because I spent more time with my company then with AIESEC. In one way was really good, because they gave me support, the other employees were my age and we had something in common. But on the other hand felt like I was not living the experience that I wanted too, because was always being taken to places or people was buying my things, instead of me doing these all.

The next two months were different; I moved and now would have roommates, which was good in a way. We shared great time together and was good not being lonely sometimes. I began doing things by myself and to appreciate the small victories that u had and from this moment on decided to really LIVE there and focused only on this, instead of thinking about how my family and friends were doing. From this moment on I began to get involved on more activities there and shared my time with the people I met there.

During this time I grew a lot, I found out more about myself and the way I want to live my life from now on. I fought for the things I wanted, went for them, despite the possibility of failure. I was taking chances, risking and it felt good. For the first time in my life was acting instead of just planning.

I had to face some barriers that were a part of me for a long time and I did it alone, which was good cuz I was able to understand that I was the only one responsible to make this happen and the only one who would get the results out of it, regardless of being good or bad.

The last months were good because I could see and feel that those changes were a part of me now and not only something superficial that would end with time. There were some episodes that really captured those changes and others that triggered them. At ROPS I could talk to other sns about my experience, my fears and goals; was able to meet people and let them know me; during the problem with my visa I understood that by being my own boss, that is ruling my life, I have to be the one in charge of everything that concerns it and facing the consequences of my mistakes or limits; during my decision process of staying till august or leaving in july I was able to test all this “developed” traits in situations that may seem small, but for me were really big challenges and on the end I succeeded and I enjoyed them, which now I understand how important it is.

My experience was really good and important. It worked as a turn point in my life. I had some problems, but it worked as a stimulus to do things differently on the second time, to learn with them and most importantly to value the conquests. As I say to my friends: you have to taste the bitter to appreciate the sweet. Besides life is supposed to be a balance between things, if we only have one side of it, sweet or bitter, we’ll never be happy.

I can look back now with no regrets and with assured that I took the best out of it. I met some people that really changed me and some of them don’t even know that they have this “power”. Just by talking to them, listening to their stories, dreams and accomplishments they touched me. They made me want to change, to achieve those things as well, and to have stories to share.

On my way to Germany I was able to do things differently, that is, instead of paying 50U$ for a taxi, asked how to change airports and did it for free; instead of waiting around for someone to tell me what to do, asked for information; instead of feeling hungry changed money and ate; I know that this all seem smaller, but for me was a great day, which was only like this due to my experience in Russia and for my willingness to change, to try to be better on every aspects of life. And now I know how to value those things and not being afraid to say so, despite the fact that for some people it doesn’t mean anything.

The most important thing for me was that: people. I could see that we have a lot in common and that life could be easier if everybody had the chance to see that how similar people are, despite the differences of location, currency, religion and so on. I had fun doing the same things that I do back home with my friends; I saw that we share the same dreams, fears and goals. I felt really good by the way everybody treated me, making me feel like one of them, instead of an alien, a foreigner. That gave me to strength to kept going and helped on some sad times. At first I felt bad when people were speaking Russian or staring at me on the street, because I didn’t know if it was about me or not; and when I realized just that: I didn’t know; then I could enjoy things better instead of being worried or mad about this situation. This served as an example for me of how to make things simpler.

I hope to spread the word about aiesec, Russia and life the way I’m willing to live now and by that trying to make my life and the life of other around me better.

Current Mood: satisfied

Current Music: John Mayer - Home Life

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Jun. 24th, 2004

01:27 pm - Wondering...

Hey!I'm at work, got here at 10, don't know y nor how, cuz went out yesterday, watched holland's game and i'm so tired, but my body got used to wake at 8, damn it

Got here and didn't what to do first, read some news about Eurocup, checked my emails and met a really dear friend on msn, Ma Sobral.We talked and talked, i told her about my future plans that r causing anxiety and she told me good things,it's always great to meet a friend, especially when u need them.

This last week have been thinking a lot about my experience here, what've done, what would have done differently and Y, what i wouldn't do again and so on. All these things led to learning, to reflection, to new horizons, i hope.

Still have to much ideas on my mind, but as the book and people says: only ideas won't take u anywhere. People who make a difference are the ones who not only think, but make, do things, take them out of paper and transform them in reality.And i still have to put them on paper, expect to finish this process on the next 2 weeks.

I was reading other blogs and my journal and began to wonder how will i feel, act, react to the fact of doing things on my own.I'm used to always have some1 to share those things with me, to go to a concert with friends and spend the whole week talking about it, to wacth a movie and discuss about it, to go to a new place with them, to share something new that i have found out.

I remember that for awhile, last year, i got the feeling of being lost, just vague.Was on a period when all my friends were dating, but me.Was really tough, cuz didn't know how to enjoy my free time on my own.I believe that i have changed a bit and that i would know how to do it now, but still feel, deep inside, that i see things differently when i have some1 to join me.But as a good friend told me last year, this is part of the process of loving ourselves, doing things that we like, no matter what, from silly small things to important ones.

I guess one of the most important things that i'll take from my time here is just that, knowing my value and especially knowing myself, my likes and deslikes, my fears, my aims and still thinking about my dreams.It's been giving me a hard time, but it's good to think about dreams again, to want something better for u and the ones u care about, it got me going and is pushing me, raising the bar constantly, demanding a quicker development on myself so i can make them come true.

I'll face some ghosts duriing the next weeks and i'll be in situations that ran away from on the past.I'll do it this time and will enjoy my victories, especially the small one, as the day i got my ticket to moscow.Probably will sound silly to any1, but for me was a big deal to do everything by myself this time and despite not being able to understand the attendant and vice-versa i found a way to get what i needed.Was proud of myself that day.

Haven't listened to this girl, yet, but read good reviews and she's on dave's label, so got to be good.Read a few of her lyrics and liked this one, i felt that way and some lines are really good and express some of my feelings towards "future".



Jem - flying high

You can’t know, oh no
you can’t know
how much I think about you, no
It’s making my head spin
Looking at you
and you are looking at me
and we both know what we want
hmmm, so close to giving in

Feel so nice
oh yeah you feel so nice
wish I could spend the night
but I can’t pay the price
oh no, no

But I’m flying so high
high off the ground
when you’re around
And I can feel your high
rocking me inside
it’s too much to hide

I know, oh yes
I know that we can’t
be together
but, I just like to dream
It’s so strange
the way our paths have crossed
how we were brought together
hmmm, it’s written in the stars it seems
Feel so nice
oh yeah you feel so nice
I’d love to spend the night
but I can’t pay the price
oh no, no

And I’m flying so high
high off the ground
when you’re around
And I can feel your high
touching me inside
and it’s too much to hide

Back to earth
where did you take me to
I know there’s no such thing
As painless love
well it’ll catch us up
and we can never win
But ohhh
I feel so alive
ohhh
Just wanna hold you
hold you so tight

And I’m flying so high
high off the ground
when you’re around
And I can feel your high
touching me inside
and it’s too much to hide
And I’m flying so high
high off the ground
when you’re around

Current Mood: grumpy

Current Music: Pearl Jam - in my tree

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Jun. 23rd, 2004

12:08 pm - countdown

Hey!

Yesterday we celebrated Sasha's BH. I helped her out with the things and was feeling good till we went to the river bank.There i had headache and couldn't stay for long.Went back home, but couldn't take a shower cuz only had cold water, damn!

Laid down on my bed, but couldn't sleep, so i read my journal from my backpacking, this time i finished it.Was really good to compare the things i went trough the 1st time and that some things didn't happen again, which meant that i have changed, indeed.I read my personal journal from my experience here, as well. Wow, it's hard to believe that 4 months have gone by already and for sure i'm different from the guy that got here.

I still don't know for sure what i'll do on the next months.Sometimes really wanna stay around in Europe, others wanna come back home and prove/test myself after this experience.

But one thing i have clear in my mind:i'll come back onluy on 31/8, no matter what it takes!I've set this goal and won't give up, despite the fact that don't know what may happen.But now this mistery is really challenging me and that will keepp me going to this date.And regardless of the result, that is, if i get what i want or not, at least i went for it, i took risks and that for me is a great victory!

My sis had told me about this lyrics a long time ago and it's really good,i decided to post it now.

Fish - A Gentleman's Excuse Me

Do you still keep paper flowers in the bottom drawer with your Belgian lace
taking them out every year to watch the colors fade away?
Do you still believe in fairy tales, in battlements of shining castles
safe from the dragons that lie beneath the hill?
Are you still a Russian princess rescued by a gypsy dancer
to anyone who'll listen is that a story you tell?
You live a life of fantasy, your diary romantic fiction.

Can't you see it's hard for me, can you see what I am trying to say?
It's a gentleman's excuse me so I'll take on step to the side.
Can you get it in your head I'm tired of dancing?
For every one step forward we're taking two steps back.
Can you get it in your head I'm tired of dancing?

I know you still like old fashioned waltzes
your reflection in the mirror that you flirt with as you glide across the floor
but if I told you the music's over would you want to hear
that your dance card is empty that there's no-one really there?
Do you still believe in Santa Claus, that there's a millionaire
looking at your front door with a key to a life that you'd never understand?
All I have to offer is the love that I have, it's freely given
you'll see its value when you see what I've tried to say.

It's a gentleman's excuse me so I'll take on step to the side.
Can you get it in your head I'm tired of dancing?
For every one step forward I'm taking two steps back.
Can you get it in your head that from this one step forward
there's no turning back?
Can you get it in your head I'm tired of dancing?
We're finished dancing.

Current Mood: quixotic

Current Music: Dave Matthews Band - Spotlight

(Leave a comment)

Jun. 22nd, 2004

10:12 am - Angel

Well, i can't find the words to describe my state of mind now. Really don't, but can guarantee to all of u, that it doesn't get better than this, believe me.

I woke up, still a bit sick, and got to work just waiting the time to meet and help out sasha with her BH things.But, as a brazilian saying: good things happen to those who wait and indeed it does.

It's incredible how some people can make ur day better, just by expressing something, right?But it's even better when u know that they wouldn't do this, unless was somthing really important, cuz they don't work well with words. I feel bad cuz i didn't respect it and asked to know what they wanted to say and when they did, wow, couldn't be happier.I guess i'm being a bit selfish.

Just wanted to share with u all, my happiness.And now will have enough stamina to help out sasha.

The dream is still one, ladies and gentleman, and if it come true, i'll be the happiest man on earth!!I'll be flying like bees looking for honey!!I'll be in great company, the best one!

Dave Matthews Band - Angel (Couldn't have a better one to explain what i'm feeling now)

I call you up
You pick up
You call my bluff
On the cards of love
You hold to close
Your hands to your chest
I can’t read your eyes
But I confess
It’s lonely far from you
Even when you’re right by me
It’s only why I wait for you
Take my hand yeah

Why do I beg like a child
For your candy
Why do I come after you
Like I do
I love you
Whatever you are I swear
You’ll be my angel
You

I play my cards
Best I can
But I lose my luck
When you’re not here
My darling heart
Won’t you please give in
I may be strong
But I want you back again
When you’re not here
It’s hard to pretend
It’s all alright
Again
When you’re not here love
It’s hard to pretend
It’s all alright….still

Why do I beg like a child
For your candy
Why do I run after you
Like I do
I love you
Whatever you are I swear
You’ll be my angel
You

Watch the deck
Count your cards
Makes no sense
That I’m always losing
When you’re gone

Why do I beg like a child
For your candy
Why do I run after you
Like I do
I love you
Whatever you are I swear
You’ll be my angel
You
When you’re gone

Current Mood: loved

Current Music: Pearl Jam - Dead man Walking

(Leave a comment)

Jun. 21st, 2004

04:43 pm - Euro Craziness

Waz up!!

Well, this is my last week here and as i have said, it's been non-stop-brazilian-way of partying!!

I don't even remeber what we have done, hehehe. I've been to champion to check the russian games on wed, after that saw other games there, as italy x sweden on saturday, before going to @ to meet Heather and say bye to Sol.

Friday night, Masha, Sasha and Me went walking around and stoped at Cozina, talked a lot, laugh and helped, at least i feel so, on each others dreams, willing and wishes.

We met again at Sat evening and went to 501 to realize our free whiskys, hehehe.Was good, besides the mosquito eating experience.after that straight home.Sunday we went to the beach, swam, i guess i'll be cold this days, and as always, laugh a lot

Met again to the beatles show and sasha wanted to kill me, cuz i didn't know some of their famous songs, hehe.

Straight to our HQ, Masha's home, to cook a russian desert, really good one, and watch russia that won against greece and made everybody happy.I began watching portugal's game at 4a.m got to the end of the 1st half and went sleep.Woke up to watch the 2nd hald and during the break there was a sport news that showed the gols from yesterday and i got the portugal won!!At frist was angry, but after a bit was ok.

Tmw is sasha's BH and let's pic nic people.My schedule is tight this week, so please, whoever wants to so something have to call one day in advance, otherwise want get a spot in my appointment book, hehehe.Se achando quase nada ne?

Got mix feelings again, but this time won't write them down, i'll try to undertsand what it is first.I got 2 projects in my mind, hope to make them happen.Wanna meet some friends that always give some good advices.

That's it, let's see if France and England can advance today.

Leo


Pearl Jam - Who You Are

Come to send
Not condescend
Transcendental consequence
Is to transcend, where we are
Who are we? Who we are

Trampled moss on your souls
Changes all, you're a part
Seen it all, not at all
Can't defend, fuck the man

Take me for a ride, Before we leave

Circumstance
Clappin' hands
Guidin' winds
Happenstance
Off the track, in the mud
That's the moss, in the aforementioned verse

Just a little time, Before we leave

Stop light plays its part
So I would say you've got a heart
What's your part? Who you are
You are who, who you are

Current Mood: sick

Current Music: Aimee Mann - Wise Up

(Leave a comment)

Jun. 18th, 2004

11:29 am - Job Done!!!

Hi people, waz up?

I just presented my job and my boss liked a lot. It's a damn good feeling of succeeding and hope i can keep on doing a good job and the best thing is to see the result of it on the next months when the site will be ready.

Yesterday i had a bit of sadness, but then i got back home, cooked, thought about it and saw that there's no reason at all to be sad.I'm doing what i want, meeting people that have changed and touched my life in so many aspects. I can only try to do the same.

I'll have free days on my last week, what will be good to meet everybody again, do my things without rushing and enjoying the good siberian weather.I'll try to learn some recipes, tan a bit cuz i'm white, hehehe.

What a great feeling, i'll focus now on AIESEC and on some ideas i have to improve some things.

It's a good day ladies and gentleman, yes indeed.Munique here I come, St Gallen as well and then...who knows, maybe work again, otherwise, on the road again...

Dave Matthews Band - Stay

We were walking
Just the other day
It was so hot outside
You could fry an egg

Remember you were talking
I watched as sweat ran down your face
Reached up and caught it at your chin
Licked my fingertip
Wasting time

Let the hours roll by
Doing nothing for the fun
Little taste of the good life
Whether right or wrong
Makes us want to stay, stay, stay
for awhile

Later on the sun began to fade
Then the clouds rolled over our heads
And it began to rain
Oh we were dancing mouths open
Splashing tongue taste
For a moment this good time would never end
You and me
You and me

Just wasting time
I was kissing you
You were kissing me love
From good day into a moonlight
Now a night so fine

Makes us wanna stay, stay, stay, stay for awhile
Wasting time

I shall miss these things
When it all rolls by
What a day
Wanna stay, stay, stay, stay for awhile

Hey love
Oh just groping you
Rolling in the mud
Stay a while
Come on love
Wanna stay, stay, stay, stay for awhile

Current Mood: happy

Current Music: Barenaked Ladies - Tonight is the Night I Fell Asleep Wheel

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

Jun. 17th, 2004

10:29 am - They did it again

Hello everybody!!!

I got back home yesterday and as i was entering my neighbour stoped me and asked to change the lamp.I said: don't undertsand russian!I was trying not to do it, hehehe. But then she was pulling me to the chair under the lamp and i said, wait a minute.I changed the lamp and thought:ok, i'll eat now, but then she asked me to move her piano to clean out under it.And there i was pushing that light piano around.Afther that, as always, she gave me someting, this time a jar of jam.By the way, she always call me Leva.

I was coming to work today, dressed with social pants cuz of sasha's graduation, and one block before work a car splashed water over me and my cream pants were soaked.What a lovely day to begin a day

I got to work and 1st thing was to check Sao Paulo's score and:WE LOST!

The day just gets better now

Good week for u all!

Current Mood: crushed

Current Music: Pearl Jam - I'm Mine

(Leave a comment)

Jun. 16th, 2004

Jun. 11th, 2004

05:15 pm - The best country in the world

Hi everydbody, with this phrase i started to "teach" portuguese to the girls and on my first day i had to sms my sister to help me out with some things, but so far it's been ok!

Well i didn't write yesterday, so here we go: the latin party was ok, but they really don't think i'm latin and especially brazilian. I have to blame the novelas for this, cuz not every brazilian is born with the ability to "samba". But i can assure u all, i'm brazilian, with the hot and sweet blood that the mosquistos here love to suck!

My team, sao paulo, didn't win the 1st game, but next wednesday they go to colombia to get our spot on the final

this week i have been cooking almost everyday and yesterday was really good, chicken with mushed potato with slices of mushroom and cheese, yummy, i need to go home to cook again!

Tomorrow the eurocup begins and i hope to watch the games, but i don't have a telie, let's see, right?

That's all my dear friends!

Ben Harper - Picture Of Jesus

It hangs above my altar
Like they hung Him from a cross
I keep one in my wallet
For the times that I feel lost
I feel lost
In a wooden frame with splinters
Where my family knees to pray
And if you listen close
You'll hear the words
He used to say

I've got a picture of Jesus
In His arms so many prayers rest
We've got a picture of Jesus
And with Him we shall be forever blessed
Forever blessed, forever blessed

Now it has been spoken
He would come again
But would we recognize
This king among men
There was a man in our time
His words shine bright like the sun
He tried to lift the masses
And was crucified by gun

He was a picture of Jesus
With Him so many prayers rest
He is a picture of Jesus
In His arms so many prayers rest
With Him we shall be forever blessed

Some days have no beginning
Some days have no end
Some roads are straight and narrow
And some roads only bend
So let us say a prayer
For every living thing
Walking towards a light
From the cross of a King

We long to be a picture of Jesus
In His arms so many prayers rest
I long to be a picture of Jesus
With Him we shall be forever blessed.

Current Mood: tired

Current Music: Something Corporate - Hurricane

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